Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize