Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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