I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
