Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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