I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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