I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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