im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
