Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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