Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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