never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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