Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
