Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
