I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize