Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
