Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
