We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
