you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
