just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
