I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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