i need an iv and a liver transplant
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
