I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
