peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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