Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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