Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
