he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
