two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
