i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
