Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
