you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
