I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
