So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
