I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
