Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
