my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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