im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize