Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
God I need to hump something, right now.
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