Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
