If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
