3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
too bad you live with your parents still
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
