I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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