omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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