we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you inspire me to be a worse person
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize