My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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