I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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