How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
