she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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