I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
