God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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