I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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