Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize