I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
