i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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