There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
