i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
