I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
