i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
