I bet he comes in French.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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