When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there's paper in my vomit.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
