final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
