My hand turned me down
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
