I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
