How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
