Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
