I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
