Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize