I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
operation have a gay friend backfired
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
