don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
