Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
