i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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