I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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