My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
