Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
